


you go your way I'll meet you in hell

by Yuna_Starlines



Series: on the run - verse [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Parenting, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Janus steals things to survive okay, M/M, On the Run, Remus and Virgil's relationship is quickly implied but they're the heroes in this fic, implied prostitution, it's not easy being on the run, this was heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuna_Starlines/pseuds/Yuna_Starlines
Summary: “Will you come back for me?”“I will be okay, I promise you, once I’m in a steady place, I will find you.”The years behind that promise weren't easy, but it was worth it
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: on the run - verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1860349
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	you go your way I'll meet you in hell

**Author's Note:**

> so, i kept thinking, what happened to janus? and this was my own answer. tbh, the idea of being on the run is not easy, and i painted it in the Logan and Roman fic extremely,,, pink. I wanted to do one that could be more truthful. can be read as a stand alone, but this is the prequeal/sequel to "as long as it's you and me"
> 
> Oh, also there's a knife mentioned but nothing happened. I changed Janus pronouns sometimes, because that's also how i work but with they and she. And my sister also calls me sib!!

_Life don't make any sense to me_

_Run away_

When they decided to come out, it was hard. The truth tasted like ashes on their mouth, “Janus.” He repeated a few seconds after the silence, they were eating. They were pretending to be a family, as always, the word of their mom _what would they say_ ringing on their ears, “I-My name is Janus.”

Their mom chuckled, “Oh, Janice.” They winced, digging their nails into the palm, under the table. “What are you talking about this time?”

“I…” They took a deep breath, “My name is Janus, I use they/them or he/him pronouns.”

The fight broke five seconds after the words left their mouth. _How can you say that? Do you want to break this family apart?!_ His dad has yelled, _for me to break it we have to be a family first_ they yelled back-

The grownups left the table, leaving them and Logan behind, he wondered if that meant he had to clean it up. “My own daughter is crazy.” She said, right before she went to her bedroom.

“I’m not you daughter.” They mumbled, looking down. This was a bad an idea.

“Is sibling okay?” Logan broke the silence after a few seconds. He had barely spoke since the war started, and for a few second Janus was completely sure that the silence meant he wasn’t on their side. “I mean… huh, you’re not my sister.” Janus laughed inside when Logan opened his eyes as he if had said something wrong, “Not because were no longer related, but because, well you aren’t a woman, so it means- Am I making things worse?” He asked, with his tiny voice.

Logan was fourteen, and he was behaving better than all the adults here, “No, L. Sibling is fine.” Logan beamed at him.

“Shall we clean?”

“No, fuck them. Let’s go to the movies.”

Janus didn’t remember what movie they ended up watching, but he remembers how nice it was having his little brother by his side. Even if when they came back to their house, ~~this wasn’t a home,~~ their mom scolded both of them for going to the movies on a Monday night.

It was worth it.

_I've got my things packed_

_My favorite pillow_

_Got my sleeping bag_

_Climb out the window_

He was on the garage, holding a suitcase and a backpack. The Uber he called was five minutes from his house, it would drop him in the nearest bus station, where he will decide his next stop.

“I’m doing this.” He said, to no one.

“Why don’t you take your car?” He jumped at the voice, turning around and noticing his fifteen-year-old brother, “Would be safer.” He was leaning against the wall.

“You won’t try to stop me?” He asked, instead. It was probably two in the morning, so he didn’t expect to see his brother there.

Logan shrugged, “You’re not happy here,” then he added, “Neither am I.”

“Homophobia is a bitch, isn’t it?” it had been a few months since Logan told him he was gay, and less than a week since he started dating that rich kid, Roman was his name.

Logan nodded, “Where are you going?”

“To the north.” He sighed, “I’m not sure, but the south sucks.”

Logan didn’t say anything, the Uber was three minutes away, “Will you call me?”

God, Janus hated this. “I’ll try.”

“Will you come back for me?” His voice was breaking, and Janus _really_ hated this. He hated leaving him behind with these monsters, but he didn’t know if taking him with him would be safe, or even a good idea.

“I will be okay, I promise you, once I’m in a steady place, I will find you.”

Logan threw himself at him, hugging him, “I’ll missed you, sib.”

He made the Uber wait for five minutes, when he got inside, he was crying.

_All the pictures and pain_

_I left behind_

_All the freedom and fame_

_I've gotta find_

_And I wonder_

_How long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone_

The sound of their phone ringing woke him up, they didn’t even realize he fall asleep while on the bus. It was eleven in the morning, he grabbed his phone and realized that they had several messages from Logan.

 **Incoming Message from Logs:** mom is questioning me, what should I say?

 **Incoming Message from Logs:** nvm she found out

 **Incoming Message from Logs:** you’re so extra, why did you leave the pink dress over your bed as a “fuck u”

 **Outgoing Message from Jan** **🐍** **:** it was a very clever fuck u

Don’t get them wrong, the aesthetics of the clothes were fine. The meaning behind it was not. Their mom tried so hard to remind them they were her **_daughter_ , **_her sweet marred daughter,_ not really caring about the mental health of her firstborn.

The fact that she still blamed somehow the vitiligo on their face, was more than laughable.

They were to take another nap, when the buzzing continues, an incoming call from their mom, he picked up.

“Where the fuck is you?” She growled, and they laughed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, mother.” And they hang up.

At the next stop, they threw the phone on garbage can, with the memory of their brother on his head.

_Sorry, kid._

_And I wonder_

_How far it'll take me_

_To run away_

_Life don't make any sense to me_

_Run away_

_This life makes no sense to me_

_Run away_

_I was just trying to be myself_

_You go your way I'll meet you in hell_

They had 50 dollars left, and they fucking hate it.

They wondered, if all people who were like them have it like this.

“I should’ve sold the phone instead of throwing it away.” They sighed, holding their stomach. They’ve been on the run for seven months, and even if the streets were hell, it was better than the hell he was living.

_~~It would be in the month that they would end up charging $40 dollars per blow job and closing their eyes at night hoping it would end. They would steal watches, wallets or whatever expensive thing their clients had, and okay, maybe this hell wasn’t better. He hoped Logan was okay~~ _

_It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away_

_It's hypocritical of you_

_Do as you say not as you do_

_I'll never be your perfect girl_

_I'm too young to be_

_Taken seriously_

_But I'm too old to believe_

_All this hypocrisy_

They were on internet coffeeshops, they really thought those didn’t work anymore. It’s been months since they deleted their profile, mainly because they didn’t want to look behind, mainly because they were ashamed of how their life turned out.

It’s been almost a year and half since they left, could be more, could be less. They weren’t exactly timing how long it’s been.

They clicked by inertia on Logan’s profile, his little brother hadn’t been exactly the most active on his social media. He went over the photos, mostly uploaded by Roman. They stopped at a family photo, uploaded only two weeks ago by their photo.

The caption said, _now my family is healing, we thank god for this opportunity_. They wanted nothing more than left a _haha reaction_ because they knew their brother, he had his _please let this be over._

The comments were filled with hypocrisy, and Janus held back the necessity to write something. “Thank god I left.” They mumbled

They log off, and left, they had a client at 22:10 and they couldn’t be late.

_I might have nowhere left to go_

_But I know that I cannot go home_

_These words are strapped inside my head_

_Tell me to run before I'm dead_

There was a man staring at him, and he braced himself for another rough night, then again, he had ten bucks left.

He smirked as the man got closer, “How much?” the man said, straight to the point.

He was about to open his mouth when he felt a hand on his hand, “Oh, here you are, love!” He let himself be hugged, not understanding what was happening and he felt the person who was holding him whispering

“The man has a knife, keep up the façade.”

Much later, the man who saved him (He found out his name was Remus) invited him to crash on his home. Remus was loud, but kind and nice, “I’ll just text my boyfriend you’ll be here, y’know so that he doesn’t get wrong ideas.”

Janus nodded, but he remained silent, after a beat of he said, “I don’t do threesomes.”

“Huh? What? No, we- I don’t expect anything from you.”

Janus didn’t know if it was a lie.

Virgil, Remus’ boyfriend was suspicious but ended up accepting him, even gave him some clean clothes.

It was in the night, again, when he apologized to no one as he took a phone (he wasn’t sure if it was from Remus or Virgil), Virgil’s watch and some food.

“You shouldn’t be sorry.” _Holly fucking shit! Why did people sneak on him like that?_ he turned around staring at Virgil. The parallels between the night he left his brother and this night were so scary, even Virgil was leaning on the kitchen counter similar to Logan’s leaning on the wall.

“Take this too.” He said, holding some money on his direction.

“I-no I can’t take this.”

“Oh, but you can steal, right?” Janus felt the heat rising to his cheeks, “It’s okay, Janus. I’ve been on a similar position. Us gay people need to protect each other’s back.” He said, sincerely.

Janus ended up accepting the money. He was on a bus when he counted it and let a sharp gasp. “This is too much.” He said, knowing for sure this time no one would answer him.

 **Outgoing Message from Lord-Remus:** u didn’t have to give me so much money.

 **Incoming Message from Virge-the-emo-:** I know.

 **Incoming Message from Virge-the-emo-:** use it correctly. Good luck.

 **Incoming Message from Virge-the-emo-:** Now change the name, and block my number, jerk.

Janus smirked, and fall asleep on the bus, with 1000 on his made up wallet hidden on the bottom of his broken backpack.

He dreamed about his brother.

_Chase the rainbows in my mind_

_And I will try to stay alive_

_Maybe the world will know one day_

_Why won't you help me run away_

He found a shelter for youth LGBT+ people and decided to crash a few days. The money still burning on his hand, as he re-read the word _use it correctly_. Should he go back?

It’s been almost two years, and while he still got misgender (his non-flat chest, the blood stains on his jeans, and his long hair didn’t help. As soon as he could he will get a haircut, the shortest he had ever had), but at least he wasn’t no one’s daughter. It’s been so much since the last time he heard his deadname.

He was waiting for the receptionist, hoping he could crash for a few days here. Taking Remus’ phone out, it wasn’t his, he opened Facebook and went to his brother’s profile.

**Error.404.**

**Page not found.**

His eyes widened in surprised.

A part of him knowing his brother, maybe, finally was safe.

“Excuse me?” The soft voice of someone made him jump, in surprise, “Sorry, didn’t mean to startled you, do you need help?” There was a man behind the receptionist desk, with soft brown hair and freckles.

“Yeah, is… can I sleep here?”

“I mean here I’m not sure, but I’m pretty sure we’ve got some beds in the back.” He chuckled at his own joke and Janus, could only stare.

_I could sing for change_

_On a Paris street_

_Be a red light dancer_

_In New Orleans_

“You sure they would pay me for it?” They asked Patton, the receptionist who was in reality, a volunteer at the shelter, he was studying to become a social worker, since he grew into the foster care.

“I would buy it.” He replied quickly. Turned out, the few days become a few months, and Janus was currently working on the shelter in exchange for some money and a place to sleep.

Now, since they didn’t have to worry about finding a place to sleep or what should the eat, was calmer than he had ever been. _Maybe I found heaven._ They were showing one of their latest paintings, a landscape of his hometown. _~~The park behind the cinema~~_ ~~~~

“I can give it you for free, Pat.”

“Did I stutter? I say BUY it, Janus.” He chuckled, and Janus felt themselves pouting, which made Patton laugh more.

The sound of Patton laughter was more than enough to make Janus blush, _I’m in trouble, aren’t I?_

_I could start again_

_Choose a family_

_I could change my name_

_Come and go as I please_

He felt Patton gazed on him, and he let the oldest kissed his right eye, earning a gasp. Patton, the man who let Janus be his roomie, Patton, the kind man who helped Janus found a steady job, the very man who bought him his first binder.

Patton, who he was hopelessly in love.

“I’m not good at this.” He said and could see the way Patton was holding back a bad, _terrible really,_ joke about his past. He didn’t mind, in reality. “I meant relationships, jerk.” He said, hitting him softly on the head.

Patton chuckled, kissing his neck, “I’m not asking anything of you.” _Of course not, you’re too kind,_ “Just give us a chance.”

This time, Janus was the one who kissed him.

_In the dead of night_

_You'll wonder where I've gone_

They couldn’t sleep, the stitches around their breast hurt, but he felt happy.

“Are you okay, sib?” Logan asked, by his side, “Should I call Pat?”

“No, it’s fine.” They tried to stood up, only to hiss in pain.

“No, you know what?! I’m calling Patton!” Logan said, clearly done with the fact that Janus was being this stubborn, “and when he knows you’re being this…”

“Oh you dramatic, child.”

_All the freedom and fame_

_I've gotta find_

When Janus opened their door, only to find Roman and Virgil bickering about the blue balloons ( _blue could this be anymore cliché??),_ while Remus was drinking ignoring the chaos, and Patton was trying to break the fight. He held into his brother they knew they would be fine.

“I keep my promise.” He said, out of nowhere.

“I knew you would.”

_I was just trying to be myself_

**Author's Note:**

> follow me in tumblr @yuna-dan  
> would y'all read a fic where they reunite? or is this okay?


End file.
